He couldn’t sleep.
The muted sound from the television was intended to work as a background noise to lull him to sleep, but Shintaro just couldn’t get his eyes to shut. The only source of light in the whole house was coming from the screen playing an action movie he had stopped paying attention to halfway through. It wasn’t remotely interesting. He couldn’t even recall the title. Yet he was still restless on the couch with his eyes wide open.
Thinking it was futile, Shintaro lazily got up and stretched his back. Dragging himself to the kitchen, he flicked the light switch on and rummaged through the cupboard for a pack of instant noodles. This was probably a bad idea, but it was half past one in the morning, and sometimes the human brain wasn’t that rational at such an hour. Absentmindedly, he heated up the stove, and in the back of his head, he reckoned it’s been a while since he’s had some trouble sleeping.
He watched the little bubbles surfacing on the water as it boiled, mind blank and fingers tapping on the granite as he waited. Then a particularly big bubble popped at the same time the phone in his pocket rang and vibrated.
‘Shintaro?’
“Hokuto?”
Shintaro did a double-take on his screen, making sure he was reading the name right. His dearest friend since childhood was rarely ever awake in these late hours.
“Is something the matter?”
“...I can’t sleep.”
“Oh.”
Shintaro stared at the boiling water, struggling to gather his words. “...uhm…do…do you need anything?”
The line was silent for a while before Hokuto spoke again. “I just wanted your company.”
When Shintaro wasn’t responding for a while, agitation rose in the man on the other line.
“I-I’m sorry, that must have been weird and out of nowhere—”
“No– it’s fine. Give me a couple of minutes.”
“Shin–”
Shintaro knew Hokuto would overthink and try to stop him, so he didn’t let Hokuto utter another word and dropped the call. He shut the stove and left his half-cooked noodles before taking his keys and rushing out the door. Hokuto’s place wasn’t that much of a lengthy drive away, but he wished it was farther away so he had more time to collect himself. His cold sweaty grip on the wheel was telling.
After parking his car and ringing the bell, the door opened quickly like Hokuto had been waiting right behind this whole time.
“You really came…”
“It’s not like I can just leave you alone,” Shintaro tried to say casually. He stepped into the house and squinted in the dark hallway.
“So? What’s been bothering you?”
“Nothing. I just can’t sleep.”
“Usually you have a hard time sleeping when something’s bothering you.” That’s what it was like back then , Shintaro thought in his head.
“I don’t know.” Hokuto fumbled with his sleeves while he stood awkwardly in his own living room. “I’ve been thinking a lot of things to the point that I don’t understand them anymore.”
Shintaro knew Hokuto didn’t want to talk about it. He could predict when he’d end up talking in roundabout ways, and he’d rather not force it.
He sighed, knowing acts of service was his love language and offered what he was capable of. “Well then, we can’t have you staying up so late. Something I can do to help? Watch a movie? Make you tea? Cook you noodles–?”
“Sleep with me.”
Shintaro wondered if this was all a product of his wild dreams and sleepwalking, but he was left to stare blankly at Hokuto with his mouth stupidly hanging open. And Hokuto, who had the talent for spilling either the best of words or the worst —never in between— realized what he just said and cleared his throat.
“No, sorry– I meant like sleep beside me. Like we always did.”
That wasn’t any good for the weak heart either. Hokuto was wringing his hands anxiously below the hem of his sweater, and Shintaro looked away, pretending not to notice. He was relieved that the room was dark because both of their cheeks were hot and burning.
It wasn’t like Shintaro had the heart to decline. He coughed, feigning nonchalance as he stretched his arms behind him and walked to Hokuto’s room. He didn’t need to be guided. He knew Hokuto’s place like the back of his hand– that was how frequently he visited before they grew up and got busier with their own lives.
“If something’s bothering you, you can tell me sooner next time, okay? It’s not good staying up so late.” He was a hypocrite for saying that, but it was for Hokuto’s sake.
Hokuto nodded and climbed into bed, scooting to the right side and making enough space for Shintaro to occupy. Probably the last time they did this was back in high school.
Shintaro can’t deny that having Hokuto beside him was a different level of comfort. He missed it. But of course, it would be odd to have two grown male adults still sleeping on the same bed for old-time’s sake.
Under the covers, Shintaro tried to make himself comfortable. He greeted Hokuto ‘good night,’ but he was lying stiff on his side as he faced the door.
It was too quiet.
The slightest movement made the sound of rustling sheets sound too loud. He was too aware of the body next to him that every fiber of his being just couldn’t relax.
He didn’t know how much time had passed. He was trying to follow the pattern of the ticking clock to lull himself to sleep, and it was beginning to work when his eyelids were starting to fall shut. Then suddenly there was the sound of sheets rustling from behind, and Shintaro’s breath faltered.
A warm body pressed against his back while arms wrapped around him. Then he could make out the sharp nose pressed against the back of his shoulder.
“...H-Hokuto?”
Shintaro’s heartbeat sped up, and if Hokuto couldn’t hear it in the deafening silence, he was sure to feel it.
Hokuto grasped onto the front of his shirt. He buried his face further into Shintaro’s back, and the latter heard his shaky breath.
“Can’t you take the hint?”
Shintaro froze, his heart beating rapidly against his ribcage. “Hokuto, I don’t really get what you’re…”
“You idiot.”
Under the bed sheets, Shintaro’s hand flinched as Hokuto’s fingers traced his skin, finding their way to entangle themselves with his fingers.
Hokuto’s hand was warm. So warm that it urged Shintaro to squeeze it tighter.
When Shintaro was finally calming down and adjusting to the heart-fluttering sensation, he found himself caressing the back of Hokuto’s palm with his thumb before he even realized he was doing so.
They had a lot of things to discuss in the morning, Shintaro supposed. But that was something to worry about later.
Right now, he just wanted to relish in the arms of the man he’s been secretly in love with for as long as he could remember.